Darkness
by Spirit's Whisper
Summary: The Tokyo arc and beyond from Fai's point of view. Follows the manga fairly close up to a certain point. Very dark and angsty. Reviews make me write more.
1. Numbness

Disclaimer: It's called _fan_fiction for a reason people.

Author's Note: To those reading my other stories: Don't worry. I've been gone but you're not forgotten, I'm just working on some of these smaller things so I can get back into my plots. Between wedding planning and school life gets a bit hectic. Please forgive me. This will be split into four or five small chapters but all of them should be up by the end of the night. Once again thank you to my beta Keiyou.

* * *

It was so dark.

He couldn't remember how he came to this place, this blissfully numb oblivion. Surely he didn't deserve it? Peace couldn't possibly come that easily? He couldn't feel anything in this place where he floated in nothingness and though there was sound, a muted jumble of voices, it seemed so far away._ 'Something has happened...' _He shuddered as bits and pieces of memory found their way to consciousness. The water, the blood, his blood, Syaoran...

As more memories came forth the numbness receded leaving him gasping in pain a split second before strong arms wrapped around him, lifting him from his cold, unforgiving, place of rest. "Wh..." He tried to speak but no words came.

"Shut up and hold on idiot."

_'That voice... so familiar but so far away.' _Someone, the voice, was carrying him through the darkness. The sounds around him started to become clearer, sharper, and more frightening with every moment that passed. There were shouts and screams and a hot sticky mess dripping down the side of his face. Someone was fighting, kicks echoing back along the walls, the arms held him tighter._ 'Who?'_

"Kur...o..." The name rolled from between his lips before he'd even known he'd spoken.

"I said shut up." The voice whispered harshly, not betraying any fear as the arms held him even tighter still, one hand cradling the back of his head. "Just hold on..."

Numbness was returning, he could no longer feel the arms, and all sound petered out into the nothing.

_'I'm falling!' _He tried desperately to cling to what bit of copiousness he'd gained, to call out to the voice, but the darkness was coming.

It swallowed him whole.


	2. Phantom Tears

Disclaimer: Not mine and not making money from it. Enjoy.

* * *

Voices started to surface from the darkness. Talking. Shouting. His name. It all swirled together in one frenzied rush of emotion and pain.

"...so much... blood..."

"Fai..."

"...his eye... survive?"

"Fai..."

"...shock... death..."

"Fai..."

"... the witch... deal... blood..."

"Fai..."

"...the price... steep..."

"Idiot."

The voices came and went but he knew what they were up to. They were trying to save him or at the very least figure out _how_ to save him. Why else would the dimensional witch be mentioned? He couldn't allow this, shouldn't allow this, had _no right _allow this! He was a burden and even the lowest price was far too much for his sake.

"Don't." He struggled through parted lips, his throat dry and raspy."

The room went silent.

He took a breath and gathered what strength he had left to try again. "Don't... save me." Each word a feat of it's own as he struggled and gasped. "I want... I want..." What did he want? To live? To die? To continue running? He thought back to the tower and his secret wish, the wish that even the with couldn't grant and felt a phantom tear fall from the eye that was no more. _'I want to be loved...' _But instead of the truth, so long ago buried with his dead brother and true name, lies rose up through his lips with new resolve. "If I continue to live... Syaoran's magic with also live..." He took a long shaky breath. "It's... only half but still... it's too much. He'd be... unstoppable."

He'd been lying so long now did they really expect him to tell the truth even now?

Somewhere to his left Mokona cried out and Kurogane's fist hit the wall. He couldn't see much but it'd no doubt left a sizable hole. "What kind of person are you that you can just give up like that?" He growled, his voice completely different from the almost gentle whisper he'd heard earlier.

Suddenly he was jerked up from the bed in a way that only the ninja would do to an injured man, red eyes meeting his one blue one as he struggled to keep his head from lolling. "I'm... sorry." He tried to whisper, realizing a moment too late that it was the _truth._

His strength failed him then as his head fell back on a neck that would no longer support him. _'I don't want to die but... I don't deserve to. I want to be loved...' _His heart panged with the thought. _'but I don't deserve that either.' _Another ghost tear made it's way down his face as voices, one in particular, rose up all around him but he no longer listened. It didn't matter what he wanted. Fate had been too kind to him as of recent and there was no doubt in his mind he'd get the one thing he did deserve very soon.

He allowed himself to slink back into darkness, willing the world away with his last breaths as oblivion closed in from every angle.


	3. Price of Blood

Disclaimer: Don't own.

Author's Note: I know this doesn't precisely follow the manga but... well, I just don't care. So there. -sticks out tongue-

* * *

He didn't know how much time had passed since he'd last been conscious, or relatively conscious to say the least but he knew he didn't have must time left. He could feel the threads that bound his soul to his body starting to loosen and unwind as he drifted in an out of awareness. Everything throbbed in time with his slowly weakening pulse, the blood in his veins all but run out.

The voices had all grown quiet, only the ninja and the witch speaking now, their words quick and whispered in muted desperation.

Silence fell again in a moment of contemplation before Kurogane gave the final command. "I don't are about the price. Just do it."

_'Price?!'_ A small bead of awareness trickled through just in time for him to catch the ninja's plan and he struggled to open his eye. "Stop, I..."

"Shut up!" He ordered. "If you want to die so badly then I'll kill you myself. Until then..." His voice wavered for a fading heartbeat. "... live."

Whatever words he'd been about to speak died in his throat at the rare but genuine display of emotion. He felt his heart seize one last time before giving up, he closed his eye again. If he'd had the energy he would have groaned, struggled, or begged but he knew it was of no use. It didn't matter. No one could deny him his fate not even a determined Kurogane.

The twins, nearly forgotten from his own fuzzy mind crept forward, their words so soft and smooth he could make out no more than the silk of their voices alone. Something was happening.

Something touched his lips as a cool hand gently but firmly pinched his jaw open. _'Wha...?'_ Liquid slowly dripped into his mouth and trickled down the back of his sore and abused throat, a distinct coppery taste following soon after. _'Blood? But wh-'_

His thoughts were stopped suddenly as a white hot pain assaulted him, a scream tearing from unbidden from someplace deep within. His body jerked and writhed of its own accord as he tried to rid himself of this terrible poison. He screamed again, the sound haunting even in his own ears but still the blood flowed, faster now.


	4. Hands of Fate

Dislaimer: You know the drill by now. This is probably the last chapter that will follow closely with the manga.

* * *

"Hold him down." One twin said, his silky voice all too calm for the situation.

His remaining eye flew open but saw nothing as cold hands held his head back while another icy pair pinned his shoulders down. Someone else, probably the new Syaoran, held his legs in place but one hand- one strong warm hand held his own, grasping and twining their fingers while he struggled.

The ninja's hand tightened over his own, as if trying to will his strength into him. "I thought this was supposed to help. Why is he screaming?"

That was a good question. He hadn't even realized he was still screaming.

"His body chemistry is changing." The other twin replied. "Of course its going to hurt."

As if to prove his point pain suddenly exploded throughout the rest of his body and he had no doubt that he'd been right about ending up with the fate he deserved but why, oh gods why did it have to hurt so much? Another scream racked what was left of his being and he tried desperately to sit up, to run and escape it all. He cursed, begged, and babbled, anything just to get it to stop and all the while tears poured down the side of his face while hot sticky blood poured down the other.

Kurogane's other hand pressed firmly against his chest, forcing him back down with the slightest of pressure. The simple touch seeming to sap what was left of his already fading energy, his eye starring out into nothing, seeing and unseeing at the same time while his breath came in quick short pants. He was wearing down again again, borrowed strength failing and muscles no longer willing to move at his command though pain still coursed through his veins making his nerves spasm and twitch.

The closer twin said something, his voice having gone even softer with a tinge of pity that he was unable to hear it. Whatever he'd said it caused the other hands to leave him, their old presence seeming to linger for but a moment as the witch spoke. "Someone must stay with him throughout the the change. There is a chance he could hurt himself." Like the twins she sounded all too calm.

_'What's happening to me?'_ His hazy mind struggled to wrap around it all. By all rights he should have been dead but the blood lingering at the back of his throat...

"I'll stay." The ninja's words brooked no argument. "He's my responsibility now after all."

_'What have you done, Kurogane? What price have you paid?'_

"Are you certain?" It was one of the twins who spoke now but which one he could not tell. "The change is not yet complete but when it is..."

"Yeah, I know. I can handle it." Something in his voice sounded resigned almost, as if he come to accept something of great weight and again Fai wondered what price he had paid for his worthless life.

"Very well."

The room fell into silence as the others left, their feet shuffling tiredly across the floor before the door closed leaving them with naught but the sound of his shallow breath right before another spasm of pain rocked through him. He tried again to escape it, struggling against the hold on him but the ninja was far too strong and he far too weak. It was no use.

Minutes dragged painfully into an hour before the numbness started to return, his body feeling like lead as he tried to stay awake, unwilling to fall back into darkness. He _needed_ to run, whatever the price it had been too much and he needed to escape before he did anymore damage. He tried once more to more but his limbs wouldn't comply.

"You're not going anywhere tonight, mage." Kurogane whispered brushing a stray hair from his remaining eye as it finally started to close. He was already stretched far past his limit and by all rights should have been dead a long time ago.

Darkness once again consumed him before he even knew it was coming. The last thing he knew was the one warm hand squeezing his tight.


	5. Noise

Something was beginning to rouse him from the darkness, a sound, like a lone drum beating. Each thrum reverberating along the inside of his skull with increasing intensity.

_"Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump..."_

he groaned, trying to turn away from the noise, ear ringing will a dull pain as cloth rustled and someone shifted loudly on their feet. He could smell something too,... something so familiar and yet so foreign at the same time it jarred him. _'Dirt, and salt... No. Sweat and...'_

"...they are not weakened by the sun or holy water." He flinched suddenly as Yuuko's unusually loud voice scattered his thoughts and punctured the remains of his unconsciousness. "That is only a legend." She continued heedless of the fact that she was shouting. "They are not eternally young nor are they immortal nor are they eternally young but since these two..." She paused. "...are of pure breed they possess extraordinary healing powers. Those who become..."

_"Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump..."_

He stopped listening suddenly as he realized what _else_ he could smell, his stomach twisting strangely with the realization. _'Blood... so much blood. Is it...'_ He didn't need to finish the question though as some strange new knowledge passed through him. He _knew_ this wasn't his blood. True, his blood was sticking to his face beneath a mix of cold sweat and dry tears and matted in his clothing in disgusting shades of black, brown, and red, but this wasn't what he smelled. No, he smelled someone else's blood. Someone...

"...and unlike before the blood of a prey is needed to live." She finished causing him to cringe internally. There was something seriously wrong with this situation, something seriously wrong with him. He could smell _his_ blood.

_"Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump..."_

"You agreed to become his prey without even being aware of this?" One of the twins asked, his voice also so much louder than before but Fai could no longer listen. That smell... it made his jaw ache in a whole new way. He struggled to turn away, to bury his face in the bedding only to hear fabric ripping beneath his finger nails, his grip held a little too tightly. The rip alone made him want to scream. Why was everything so loud?

_'What the hell is wrong with me?'_

_"Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-"_

_'Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!' _He wanted to scream and rip his hair out. That smell, those sounds, the dull ache in his jaw that was soon out matching the one in his ears. It was all becoming too much, the strings pulling at his senses being drawn apart so tightly he feared it would be he who ripped apart next.

"There was no time for questions. If I had hesitated even a bit this guy would have died." The ninja's voice made him pause. It was like a soothing balm over a fresh burn as the only gentle voice in the room continued. It was so strange that he was the only quiet one while all the others yelled. It seemed so backwards, so alarming. "Besides,... he trusted the witch in his time of greatest need and since I trust him I have no choice but to do the same."

_'Kurogane... how, why...'_ He wanted to cry suddenly, to let tears of rage pour from his single eye in an onslaught that could very well restore the rains of this so-called acidic Tokyo. But no tears would come as another, more desperate, sensation overrode all else, leaving him blank but for a single desire. Even though he wanted to hear the rest of the conversation, to figure out what they had done to him, to learn the price that foolish ninja had paid- he couldn't focus on anything aside from the sudden-

_"Thu-thump..."_

-hunger that assailed him.


	6. Painfully Sick

Disclaimer: If I you still need to read this after five chapters then you have some serious issues. Not mine.

A/N: Sorry this one took me so long to update, like a week and a half, but I have a _really_good ecxuse. My wedding was on the 16th! (I'm a Mrs. now!) So, a couple days before and these past few days after have been dreadfully busy but I'm so happy it doesn't even matter. ;) New chapters for all my other fics are nearly complete but it'll be a few more days before I'm ready to post them. In the mean time please enjoy one and please- _please_ review. Lots of story alerts and hardly any remarks makes me think I'm writing for nothing.

Also, thank you to Keiyou, my awesome sister/beta/maid of honor/sanity keeper, and Soji, my ever faithful reviewer.

* * *

There was a different kind of darkness flowing over Fai when next he woke. A thick fog that obscured all else and forced him to focus on the one thing... _person_, he sought. Kurogane, his light amid the void. It was only then that he realized that he'd been crawling, half conscious, towards that wonderful smell and the sound that set his nerves on fire, that, that...

_"Thu-thump, thu-thump, thu-thump..."_

Oh, how he wish he knew what it was, this feeling. It was a treacherous sort of need, forcing him to crave _something_ he couldn't even begin to fathom.

Suddenly the entire world sharpened, covered by a yellow tint that made his eye burn and refocus but he didn't shy away from it like he had the other senses. With the yellow tint came some form of clarity, the fog lifting from his mind just long enough to settle completely on the ninja, ignoring the unmasked glimmer of dread to focus instead on the pulse point in his neck. That beautifully smooth swath of skin begging to be torn open...

_'No!'_ The sane part of him that had been wishing for death mere moments before cried out. _'I can't...'_

_'Yes!'_ The other part of him argued as if it knew more than he did. _'He is ours for the taking!'_

_"Thu-thump, thu-thump..."_

His throat felt so dry, so thirsty... and his stomach felt so... _empty_. This need for something, anything, was so strong it made him cringe in pain, a churning tension centered on the core of his being. _'Please...'_ he begged but for what he did not know.

"One more thing,... If you get back his stolen left eye Fai'smagical power will return too. With that the need for the vampire's blood will be negated."

_"Thu-thump..."_

He knew something important had just been said but couldn't find the will to figure out what it was. _'They talk to damn much!'_The new part of him raged. Nothing mattered if he could find a way to sate this horrible burning need. Grabbing at Kurogane as his fingers twist and knot and tear through the fabric of his already bloody coat but it's not his own blood he seeks, he tries to pull himself up. _'No. Not my own.'_ He and the other voice croon together, understanding at once that they seek something much richer, hidden underneath the musky scent. _'Ours.' _They agree and he notices only now that the other voice has become his own.

Panting with the effort, he can feel his body quaking and bowing under the strain but it's all worth it when he finally meets those unflinching red eyes to find the rare show of emotion usually hidden in their ruby depths. The actual open concern washing over him like cold water over the burn, bringing him back to himself. The smell of blood, so alluring a second ago now made him want to puke.

_"Thu-..."_

His will leaves him suddenly as his vision returns to normal and he wavers in the silence of the room. Everything feels like it's moving, almost as if they are on a boat and then he really does have to fight to keep the bile from rising in his throat. His arms give out and he collapses, eye closing of it's own accord. Someone, or perhaps more than one person, shouts his name over and over again until one of the twins speaks up. Or at least he thinks it's one of the twins.

"It's alright now, let him rest a bit. The change takes a lot out of the body and mind. He'll have to feed once he awakens."

Everything began to blur together after that but he vaguely remembered little Mokonahugging the uninjured side of his face and someone else putting a band of cloth around the other before the ever present nothingness consumed him once more- this time anchoring him in sleep as he imagines someone holding him tight, their warmth seeping into the cold places that started to form within him so many years ago.

* * *

A bit longer than the last few to make up for my delay. This is 'officially' the last chapter to follow the manga for a little while since I'd like to write some vampire nibbles before things get too much more angsty. Definitely a sequel coming for the infinity arc by the way. If I get enough readers maybe I'll do a Celes arc but at this rate I don't see it happening.


	7. Blood On My Hands

Disclaimer: You laugh because I'm different... I laugh because I just farted on your disclaimer. :) Owned by CLAMP.

AN: Sorry this took longer than anticipated to put up but once you read it you'll see that it was a really hard chapter to write. I'm slightly tempted to rewrite this a fourth time but I think my beta Keiyou would fall over from the angst overdose.

AN: Rating has gone up for blood and imagery.

* * *

The darkness wouldn't recede this time even though he was conscious, to some minor extent or another- that much he _did_ know, what he didn't know was _where_ he was or where that other voice had gone off to and though he was thankful for it's silence it also put him on edge and that wasn't the only thing. It was as if his eyes were open though he knew they weren't, he could see but other than the fog there is nothing _to_ see aside from wave after wave of milky gray fog.

_'Nothing for miles around...'_

As soon as the thought is formed it is proven wrong with the appearance of a strange shape in the distant shadows, a building perhaps. Whether he wants to or not Fai suddenly finds himself walking towards it, his feet moving of their own accord and it is then that he makes another realization- he can see himself, a pale, two eyed, hollow husk of a magician walking in the darkness as if his awareness was on the outside and suddenly he understood what's going on, a sense of dread washing over him at the thought.

_'Dreaming.'_

There was no relief in the word, no voice, just the single conviction ringing out through his doomed existence. He wanted to stop his feet, to turn and run like the self-serving coward he was but as usual his masochistic subconscious refused to relinquish control and he could see the vague shape before him slowly become the prison he once knew so well.

The tower of Valeria.

Memories, usually repressed so well, resurfaced with a vengeance, demanding his attention as his hands began to drip blood, his dream eyes going wide with horror and shock. _'No, no, no...'_ he shouted but knew there was no stopping this. It would play out like it always had whether he bade it to or not.

Time skipped forward and he was in the bottom level of the tower now, surrounded by bodies filled with rot, their faces a collective mask of hatred- forever on the verge of death but never truly passing on. Suddenly his focus changed though in real life he'd never been able to take his eyes off the bodies. No, in real life he would have fallen to the ground, keening for all the souls he'd harmed and cursing the gods for his birth.

_'It's not fair that so many others have had to suffer just because no one was willing to kill-'_

His thoughts stopped there as his attention came around to the small shadow of a boy sitting on the mountain of bodies, sunken eyes closed against the terror and long mangy hair hiding anything he might have seen should he peek for but a moment. His skin was pulled taught over his small, frail bones, all palled and smooth from malnutrition aside from the gashes of dried and still flowing blood that poured from his arms at his own sharp nail's beckon.

A sob escaped the boy, ringing out into the silence as he dug deeper into his skin but no tears fell. Fai knew he had no more tears to shed at this point, his body being carefully kept alive by the curse of his magic but not enough to produce more proof of his guilt- nevertheless that didn't stop him. He would have cried an eternity had he been left one.

Looking back on himself he felt the conscious part of him weeping with the boy he once, and in many ways still, was, shedding the tears that he could not and his heart ached all the more for it. He didn't deserve even his own pity now let alone anyone else's.

_"Yuui? Yuui!"_ A small, panicked voice from above called out and he flinched.

_'No, I don't deserve anyone's tears. No one at all. Not for what I've done.'_

The boy stopped shuddering and turned his head upwards, his mouth opening and closing as he fought for control of his emotions.

_"Yuui?"_ The voice called again, softer this time with less fear as he tried to comfort his sobbing brother. _"It'll be okay, Yuui. We'll find a way out of this."_ He reassured._ "I promise, we'll figure it out...'_

_"Stop it!"_ The boy snapped, his eyes coming open in anger only to close them again with the sight before him. _"We don't deserve to get out of here. Haven't we done enough damage already?"_ It wasn't a question that needed to be answered between them but he still felt the need to ask it.

There was a pause before the other spoke again, trying hard to cover the waver in his words. _"Don't say that."_ He said slowly. _"We can't give up just because _they_say we're unnatural, that we're the ones doing all this. We're not. Don't you remember what Mamma-"_

_"Don't!" _The boy put his hands over his ears as if to block out the memory but it was too late and suddenly Fai found himself transported to another place and time just five painful years prior.

The ground was now covered with white, fluffy snow instead of littered with dead, stinking bodies, the white sheet interrupted only by the occasional snowman or angel instead of streaks of blood. Fai felt his heart falter and trip as he watched the seemingly peaceful scene unfold before him, blood still dripping from his hands as he clenched and unclenched them in preparation for what he was about to see.

A young woman with long blond hair and beautiful sapphire eyes stood watching the horizon while her two precious children built snow kitties and puppies, their own mops of pale blond dusted with flakes of white as they laughed and danced and teased each other- unknowing of the turn their lives were about to take or what their mother had foreseen as they ran back and forth, bringing her presents conjured of snow and ice and love.

The woman stiffed suddenly, ignoring her children's outstretched arms and Fai's blood froze- a drip on the end of his fingertip pausing in mid drop as if dream time itself has stopped in recognition of this single most painful moment of his existence. _'No...'_ He whispered within himself. _'Run, run you foolish woman. Leave them. Save yourself.'_ His mind begged but the formless voice his thoughts took was sounded resigned, having already relived _this_ memory over and over again.

_"Inside. Now."_ Her voice was toneless and cold, piercing the frosty air with it's own unique chill, the one and only time he'd ever heard it like that as she scooped up her two clueless blue eyed babies and ran into the house.

Time skipped forward again and suddenly they were in the bathroom. His mother standing in the doorway, staff in hand and surrounded by a pale blue light as she fought back the oncoming force, the twins huddled in the tub behind her, clinging to each other as they would have done to her if hadn't ordered them to stay put. _"Always remember,"_ she said over her shoulder _"that I love you and no matter what- this is not your fault. None of this is _your_ fault."_ The two little boys nodded, understanding so little but already committing the words to memory as he himself stood motionless in the drama, hands dripping crimson onto the pearly white floor, unseen by any but his conscious.

_'Of course they can't see you. They're all dead now.'_ His mind whispered in betrayal. _'All dead, dead, dead...'_

As if to accentuate the traitorous thoughts that rose up through him a scream pieced the air, an empty silence following in its wake and fracturing his mind just a little more than it had been before.

Whether it was his mother or the arrow's whistle he would never know but one minute she was standing ready, chanting protection spells and counter curses under her breath and the next- she was laying dead on the floor, eyes blank and blood flowing from the wound in her chest, her beautiful hair becoming a halo of red around her forever frozen angelic face. The moment after that the twins were at her side, wearing perfectly matching masks of horror and grief.

_"Mamma, mamma! Mamma!"_They shouted in unison, tears and blood mixing together as they cried. The first boy looked down as his hands while the second held him tightly and Fai found himself suddenly looking through the eyes of his youth once again, looking down at the stain upon his hands and weeping.

_'No! Mamma!' _The thoughts reverberated in his long forgotten childlike voice that no longer bore the quality or innocence of a child.

The world changed again as time skipped forward and instantly his mother's body was gone only be replaced with that of his dear, dear brother Fai, the _real_Fai. He remembered the exact moment he'd chosen death, this brother of his. He remembered feeling his own cursed magic suddenly double up and intensify and the complete and utter horror that came next as he realized what was about to happen.

Before he, Yuui, could even begin to contemplate the decision that had been given to the both of them his brother had jumped, ending his own life to save his worthless one and now here he lay, broken body motionless and blood forever staining his twin's hands.

_"Fai! Fai come back, this isn't funny anymore!"_ He both sobbed and screamed in denial, his voice starting to crack as what was left of his sanity began to break.

His brother, his twin, turned to dust in his arms.


End file.
